2008, We Hardly Knew Ye...

St. Peter and God were having a cup of coffee when God looks at St. Peter and says "You know, I'm tired. I think I need a vacation."

St. Peter replies "I think you deserve it, where do you want to go?"

God: "I don't know. I've been everywhere, I want something a little different."

St. Peter: "How about the moon?"

God: "The moon... I don't know.. not much atmosphere."

St. Peter: "There's always Earth."

God: "Earth? No thanks, last time I went there I hooked up with a jewish chick and they have been talking about it ever since."

So, 2008, what to say? The move to New York to pursue a life long dream of living in the city and film school has been a mixed bag. On one hand we are now living in the most amazing city I have ever lived in. It is amazing to be able to walk among the giants of my dreams, and realize that like it or not, I am now a part of the fray.

The other day, I sat on a subway car coated in Post It notes left for people who want to share their ideas, as a sort of temporary art installation/graffiti project. I participated.

A couple of weeks ago, the ferry was taken over by the subway hip hop series, and I got to watch thirty minutes of uninterrupted, unscripted and live hip hop happening before my eyes.

Every now and then, there is a brass band that plays in the Union Square subway station, you can hear them through the entire station (that spans several blocks).

Snow falling mutes the city, even the ever present buzz.

Living on the water has reignited my love for marine life.

I know that 2008 was the year for the leap of faith, and I leaped. Now, 2009 is about making the landing stick. It will be an obstacle course, there will continue to be blocks placed before me and the ground will occasionally drop out from beneath my feet but I will have to find ground, and move to the next challenge.

And this day, we sailed on.

Christmas in New York

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Originally uploaded by Blackfijre

Posted a couple of pictures from our walk in NYC today... enjoy.

Today's Warm and Fuzzy Thought

Ok.. NSF but very interesting (mostly harsh language, very harsh language)

Anyone up for a hot dog?

Today's Warm and Fuzzy Thought

The Jewish Journal has dedicated an entire section of their online site to the Bernie Madoff scandal called Swindler's List. Living in New York, it is almost impossible to escape this story. First, he lives right above the sister to the store I work in. Second, his face and name has been on the front page of every paper since the story broke. Third, well it's New York, there are a lot of community organizations and individuals who put their trust and faith in Madoff and have suffered because of it.

To me, the most interesting thing is how the Madoff story is only part and parcel of the larger economic picture, something that one poster on Swindler's List eloquently describes here. I only hope that Madoff's greed driven betrayal, the collapse of the credit and finance system, and our fiscal disaster will finally cause all Amercans to wake up and ask "What the hell are we doing?" and get out of this twenty year consumerist binge.

A Daily Reminder

When I was in Denver for the Film Festival, I mentioned to a few of you that there is a subway stop that I go through on a daily basis that is still pretty much as it was on 9/11. I shot some video going through and here it is... sorry for the glare.

Animation Station

After watching the Ice Age 3 trailer this morning, I realized that Chuck Jones created a shared psyche in American culture where no matter what, animated characters falling off a cliff is damn funny. Then I got to thinking about other great falls and animated moments and here are some of my favorites:



This is perhaps one of my all time favorite Bugs Bunny cartoons ever. The scalp massage has stuck with me since childhood.



What's Opera Doc? Need I say more?

I tried to find the clip of Homer jumping Springfield Gorge but as usual, Fox's team has scoured the internet and claimed their copyright... oh well. I guess we'll just have to live with the greatest animator of all time. Chuck Jones...



and finally...

Today's Warm and Fuzzy Thought

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

Today's Warm and Fuzzy Thought

Thanks to the Brian Kenny blog for introducing me to some new music... 

Our Capitalist Sickness

Thanksgiving is not, by any means, my favorite holiday. In fact, it is one of my least favorite. I am not fundamentally opposed to a day where families gather to "give thanks" but the general subtext of the holiday has never set well with me. In fact, in many ways I think it is exactly what is wrong with our American Culture.

Let's start with the fact that the holiday is in many ways the celebration of the massacre and genocide of an entire nation of people. We like to incorporate the iconography of the friendly American Native showing the Pilgrim's how to survive in the new land, but the fact is, we committed mass murder and stole the land from the rightful inhabitants for "better use". I just don't know that is something that is to be celebrated.

As families gather, huge meals are prepared to the extent that we consume entirely too much food, over indulging in calories, alcohol and tryptophan. Then stuffed to the gills we sluggishly retreat to our sofas where we watch foot ball setting the stage for the next step of this great holiday... Black Friday.

After a day of gorging ourselves, Americans nationwide rise long before dawn (sometimes the night before) to line up and participate in our favorite pass time... shopping. Now I am a fan of shopping, and believe that a certain amount of consumerism is healthy for us all, but restrained consumption is not what Black Friday is about. We can't get a national holiday for elections, but companies are more than willing to give employees the day off to spend as much as they can, as early as they can, on products which don't really give us any greater quality of life.

This Black Friday, our consumerism proved fatal, and the pitiful irony is not lost on me. In this economy, at this point in our history we need to take a serious look at our consumption. We are a seriously sick nation, and until we realize that our illness will bring about our demise, we are doomed to fail killing ourselves and each other as we choke on our consumption.

A Macy's Tradition

Tonight we decided to brave the brisk fall weather and see the inflating of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade balloons. We know better than to tango with the millions of people in the city to watch the actual parade in person, so we opted to go join a few hundred thousand and see the balloons come to life.

To get to the staging area, we had to enter at 79th and Columbus and walk down to 77th where we rounded the corner and saw all the action taking place. The line moved fairly quickly and everyone seemed to be in great spirits.





One of my favorites is the Keith Harring which I think is making it's debut at this years parade.







Of course the Energizer Bunny is always a crowd favorite.










I was quite happy to see the Kermit balloon. I was also excited to see the Smurf and of course Snoopy but they were laying face down and away so the photo's didn't come out quite as well as I had hoped.

If you are in the city and get the chance, seeing the balloons in person is quite a treat. Of course that is if you can handle a few hundred thousand people and their kids....

The Indigenous Projectionist Has Left the Building

A little over six years ago, I started a journey which totally changed my life. I still remember sitting down across from Gloria interviewing for my job at the SFC. Laid off from yet another telecom company, I decided that I needed a change. I left behind the 9 to 5 structured corporate environment, and the corresponding salary, to be a projectionist. The logical justification went something like this.... projectionists work with movies, I want to work in movies, this has to be the right thing to do. And I can say that it definitely was.

Now at the close of SDFF 31, my seventh festival round, the journey I stared with only a hope finds me with my BA in Film Studies, and a wonderful husband who's support has made the move to New York and the pursuit of my MA in Media Studies a reality. I have also found a great group of friends who I truly hope I can always work with and hope to
get to see at least once a year.

2008 was the year of the leap of faith, and what a leap it has been.

We've been put in our place...

America may have won last night in the overall turn of our nation, but the Queer community suffered great setbacks at the hands of the voting public in California, Arkansas, Florida and Arizona. I am proud that we elected Obama, President but my pride and excitement are significantly tampered by the fact that a record number of people turned out to vote, and they said "no" to my rights. I am particularly astonished by California. I'll work out my frustration, but in the mean time, I am more than bitter sweet about the election.

Union Square

The Watchmen

A Nite Out

We'll Miss Ya Ma....

"I was doing just fine until it happened, every runners nightmare, I hit the wall"
"Ah, ma, you got tired."
"No, I hit the wall, did you know they put a Wendy's up on Collins Avenue?"

Estelle Getty, 1923 - 2008

Who is who?

Finally Snooze

Who says Denver is a one horse town?

What do you mean "can I see your ID?"

Waiting.

The Village Smithy

See my loafers....

A View From The Doctor's Office

Morning Shadows

A New Frame

The skies clear.

Mmmm... A pub

Community in the Post Modern age

Is it still possible to have connection in the post modern era? I
long for a community of my own.

Who are these people?

Day -66

Wow, the reality of our move is starting to sink in further-and-further, day-by-day. Our apartment search has begun in earnest and the nightmare of finding an apartment in NYC is starting to come true. There are so many obstacles, and keeping a positive attitued is becoming more and more difficult. I know that we can't be the only people in our situation looking for apartments in the city. And Gods know that we are willing to live with a lot, all I as for is basic safety and reatlively little insect infestation. Above that, everything else is gravy.

While the physical move is one part of the stress, there is a whole component that is lifestyle changes as well. We have built a good life in Denver, and now we are about to uproot and change everything, a major life event. I admit that my thoughts have been a bit lax, and I have not really faced the significance of this move, but now as the day approaches, I am starting to see it.

On top of everything else, we are coming to the realization that moving Java and Sue with us may not be best for them. With as little time as we will potentially be spending at home, it isn't fair for the creatures who have become such a part of our lives. In the past couple of years, we have from time to time been gone for extended periods, but nothing like what we are most likely about to experience. I know that we would be able to find an apartment for all of us, with a lot of extra work, I just don't know if it is really fair to them. I suppose sometimes you have to love something enough to know when it is time to let it go, but it still sucks. Big time.

Gore Vidal

I am continuing my huge Gore Vidal kick... he inspries me as an individual because he refuses to be silenced. I want to learn more, and be more. Like Gore Vidal.

Good Things Come....

to those who wait..... Apple announced the new iPhone today. Missed it by that much. Damn.

Today's Warm and Fuzzy Thought

This past week a story has come to light about a couple who was thrown out of a Seattle baseball game for inappropriate display of public affection.  Now, in spite of the fact that the stadium was filled with 30,000 fans, I don't think we will ever get the real story on how far they were taking their affection, so I don't necessarily want to comment on this specific story, save how it incorporates an argument which I feel utterly offensive.  

It has been reported that the woman who complained about the lesbian couple's PDA stated that she was concerned that their behavior wasn't appropriate for a arena where children are present and that she did not "want to have to explain to her children why women were kissing."  That is the statement which always stands the hair up on the back of my neck.  

Now let me say that I believe that there is a time and a place for everything and I am far from the prude I once was.  I don't believe for a moment that any couple, regardless of gender, should have inappropriate PDA. Period.   I have seen enough teenage couples eating each other's faces to last a lifetime.  

However, I have been around enough to know that there is a vast difference in how queer displays of affection are perceived.  For better or worse, when two men or women show affection (at any level) in public, we are making a statement.  Not intentionally, we are just trying to live or lives, but in the eyes of those who don't feel that we are deserving of equal treatment and equal footing we are perceived as forcing our lifestyles onto them.  Most don't consider for a moment the barrage of imagery and messages we in the Queer community have to face on a a daily basis, but that is beside the point.  

To quote the feminist mantra "the personal is political", whether we want it to be or not.   That is a decision that those of us who chose to live our lives openly and honestly have to make on a daily basis.  It is not easy, just the other day my husband and I were walking hand in hand and had a homophobic slur screamed at us out of a truck window.  Of course I think it takes a real big man to yell fag out of a window traveling at 35mph, but once again I digress.  

I don't think that it means a tinkers cuss that we have our own television network, or that a nationally syndicated talk show host is talking openly about marring her same-sex partner, when I still can't manage to make it through a day without being reminded that that I am supposed to be less than others.  Don't get me wrong, I love Ellen, and all of her excellence, and she has done a lot for the Queer community, but it isn't enough.  

In 1994, I was going to college in a medium sized town in Northern Colorado.  Fresh from high school, I was exploring my own sexual, gender and political identity.  I was trying to figure out what it meant to be a 18 year old queer, and I went through a lot of shit.  Very active in campus politics, I had a nick name dubbed by the College Republicans which involved a string of pejoratives many of which I wear as a badge of pride today.  To make a long story short, I went to a screening of a film in full drag.  

I was a bit nervous, though I had already made it through dinner alone in the dorm cafeteria, about being in drag in what was really not

 exactly Greenwich Village.  So eventually the time comes when I have to go use the loo so I ducked into the boy's room (not wanting to push my luck, besides I wasn't fooling anyone).  While finishing up, I was approached by a young man, fresh from the ranch, who asked me the most brilliant question I had ever been asked in my life "Look, where I come from, there aren't many people like you, and I don't really know what to say or do, except to ask what do you want from someone like me?" 

I was frankly shocked by his frank honesty, and wish that more people had it.  I thought for a second and replied simply "The same level of respect and dignity that you expect.  Nothing more, nothing less."  

"I can do that" he says.  And that night, I realized what it was all about.  What my Queerness was about.  What my coming out of the closet was about.  What life is about.  Simply treating others with the level of respect you want and in return.  Now I know that there are plenty of times when I have forgotten this, but in the end that is what it is really about.  

So, how does this relate to a couple of lip locking lesbians in a baseball stadium in Seattle?  The Malcom X  in me responds, fist raised, that I don't really give a fuck how uncomfortable you are having to explain to your child what it means when two women kiss.  Your discomfort and ignorance is your problem, not mine.  The Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. in me says, that even though you may try to deny me my right to be myself openly and honestly, it doesn't change the fact that I am Queer.  And some day, your daughter who you tried to shield from my life and story will wake up, and realize that I am not the monster you made me out to be.  

In the mean time, I'll remind those of you who are offended by my life and sexuality that I am Queer, I am Here and you will have to get used to it.  'Cause ain't no reason for me to ever have to step back inside the closet.  

Never Again. 

The last thing I see....

Horror7
Originally uploaded by Blackfijre

What will the last thing i see be?

Clouds

Originally uploaded by Blackfijre

For the first time ever, i noticed a significant number of people looking towards the sky at the clouds forming to the East. Who can blame them? It was a beautiful sight.

a day in the life of

a big thanks to valium for showing me this

a day in the life of

Drink anyone?

A Day in The Life Of

on the am train 

on the pm train