Words

It was quiet and in the darkness came a voice that I knew from my childhood. Dark and raspy it called me to it, further into the blackness of my memories. I fought its primal call. I sang a tune, I closed my eyes and ears, but to no avail, the voice was in my head. I had once vowed that I would never again heed the call. It was a part of my past that I had locked behind the walls of subconscious, away from the waking eyes of those who walk among the light. I hated to hear it, and never wanted to hear it again, but now it had found a crack in the wall and it’s ugliness seeps out spilling into my waking day.

Mt. Sopris at Sunset

Mt. Sopris at Sunset
Originally uploaded by Shayachern.

This is perhaps my favorite mountain in the world. One of the two places I gre up in is at the base of this mountain and though it is not even 13,000 ft, it dominates the valley. One of my greatest accomplishments in life was when I finally sumited and saw the view from the top.

I take at least one photo of Mt. Sopris everytime I visit. This is just the latest.

He's Baaack...

The 28th Starz Denver International Film Festival has now been laid to rest. My life can resume some sense of normalcy and I my now even be able to sleep. The holiday (which is really a horrible holiday) came and went without much fanfare and now there are only a couple of weeks left in the semester. I may even return to my blog and share what I have written. We’ll see.

Click here to see what I have been up to lately. (see WAITING FOR PLUTO)

Lowest of the Low

Ok... I keep hearing about these AOL send us your billing information emails. I had never seen one before until yesterday, and now I have received two:
__

SECOND NOTICE

Dear Valued Member,

We were unable to process your last two billing transactions and your account is now past due. To ensure that your service is not interrupted, please update your billing information today by clicking here . Or call AOL Member Services toll-free at 1-877-773-4462. We're available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

If you have recently updated your billing information, please disregard this message as we are processing the changes you have made.

Sincerely,

AOL Member Services Team

P.S. AOL has several pricing options to meet your needs. Please call AOL Member Services to ensure that you are on the optimal pricing plan and to update your payment information today!
______

Ok, so I knew better but I just had to see. So, I clicked on the hyper link from the email. I know that was about the second dumbest thing I could have done, the first being actually providing the information they asked for. I was astonished at the information they were asking:

Name
Address
Social Security Number
Birth Date
Mother's Maiden Name
Employment Information
Major Credit Card (including number, pin, security code and expiration date)

With this information it would be incredibly easy for anyone to assume my identity. Anyone. With this information they could run a credit report, find out who my current creditors are and begin to establish new lines of credit without me ever knowing. These pieces of information are all we have to keep our information safe.

I am assuming I am preaching to the choir on this but, don't follow these links and give them information, EVER. They are never real. These organizations prey on the uninformed and naive. I have a hard time believing that anyone would follow their directions, but there are people who are trusting and when AOL asks, you give.

GZ Mirror Companion

GZ Mirror Companion
Originally uploaded by Shayachern.

This is the companion to Girlzoot's photo of me.... enjoy.

Scanogram Scarf

Scarf
Originally uploaded by Shayachern.

I am really beginning to have fun in photoshop and with digital imaging. Shcool is keeping be busy as well as work and well, you know.

Oh Captain, My Captain

I used to have utopian dreams of sitting in a dark café, air filled with thick white smoke whirling with the smell of coffee and cologne. Just a group of friends talking about life and what it means to be human. In our conversations we would discuss Voltaire, Jung, Nietzsche while reciting poetry by Longfellow. Our conversations would be filled with discussions on Thoreau and Bacon, a free exchange of ideas and passions, teaching and learning.

These discussions would be a foundation for a new wave of philosophy and we would be the builders. In our discussions we would weave the threads of a whole new way of thinking about life and the journals written from these conversations would be incorporated into conversations in generations to come. We would encourage and help each other in becoming the best that each of us could be. No one better, no one worse, all equal and valued as members of a chosen family. We would have a voice, united and individual.

Perhaps it is all the fault of DPS, one of my favorite films.

I have not found this utopian dream instead, I feel the loneliest I have felt in a very long time. In only a few day’s time I will celebrate the one year wedding anniversary with the man who has managed to do what no other human being has done, fulfilled my every want for a partner in life. Our love is stronger than it has ever been and grows stronger each day, yet even in our love of each other, I find myself not totally alone, but as close as one can get while still a part of a partnership.

There are no cafés, no Nietzsche or Bacon. There is life going on all around us, but for whatever reason, we are not invited. No calls or coffee, just us. But maybe that is just “what ol married folk do.”

They spread my grandmother’s ashes yesterday and no one in my family bothered to call me. This doesn’t really surprise me, they say it was accidental, but the total strangers who were to be there found out. I haven’t exactly been a member of that family for a very long time. There were only two people that I felt understood me, one is now dead, and the other, I guess never really got me at all.

This may all seem quite bleak and like the opening scene for a Bergman film, perhaps that is where I am in my life. Perhaps if I cannot find my café I can create it, here on the page. In a world full of ideas and hopes and dreams, the world that I have lived in most of my life, my world, where everybody knows my name.

Autumn Is On Its Way

I can feel it in the air.

McClure Pass Fall
Originally uploaded by Shayachern.

Art Bell

I can tell you precisely when I stopped sleeping to Art Bell, not the date but I don’t think that really matters. What matters is the topic of the show. Since childhood I have gone through periods of falling asleep listening to talk radio, something that has only ebbed when I am in a relationship, as most of the people I have become romantically involved with don’t share my love of talk radio. When I was in college, I was not able to get my favorite shows on AM radio in my dormitory so I got into the habit of sleeping with Nick at Night on softly in the background.

For those of you who have never been up at 2 AM listening to Art Bell, let me take a moment to describe his show. While he did from time to time touch on political issues, his main focus was on the bizarre. It was not uncommon for Art Bell to talk about UFO’s, alien abductions, tracer clouds, ghosts, or even the wildest of conspiracy theories. I loved his show, and in spite of knowing that he has left most of his show Coast to Coast with Art Bell on to George Noory, I still tune in from time to time hoping to hear his voice.

I am sure that my therapist would have a hay day with this information and use it to somehow describe my deep fascination with politics and Bewitched, but I digress. I had been dating a particular young man for a couple of years who loved to listen to music all night while we slept. Given my proclivity for background music to my sleeping, it never bothered me. After he moved out, I tried sleeping to silence but very quickly found myself back to talk radio.

I was sound asleep one night and everything was going on as usual. Then I began to have some of the most horrifying nightmares of my life. I am someone who has a lot of really bad dreams that are usually reoccurring and quite violent. I don’t remember exactly what the dreams were about but, I do remember them being quite vivid and real. I woke from my nightmare to find that it did not end. I was fully conscious sitting up in my bed in a dark bedroom and the fear from my dream had followed. It took me a moment to find my bearings and realize that in spite of the sense of fear that had consumed me that I was fine.

Then I found the cause of my nightmares. The guest on Art Bell’s show was someone, a priest I assume, with audio recordings of exorcisms. I had been listening to tapes of multiple demons being exorcised from various persons. The screams of unholy beings occupying human bodies had been the soundtrack of my dreams. It has been several years since this happened (about 5) and since then I have not slept all night to talk radio. I have fallen asleep a couple of times but I have never slept all night to the sounds of a radio voice.

Abstract 01

Abstract 01
Originally uploaded by Shayachern.

So, I am starting to have fun with the digital. Still a little scary but, so far, I think I like it. Let me know what you think!

From Alex P. Keaton to Noam Chomsky in 10 Years

I believe that my very first crush in my adolescent life was Alex P. Keaton. I would sit every night I could and watch him and learn. It was because of him I decided that I wanted to grow up and become a wealthy business man. His clarity and take on the world seemed to make so much sense to me, and he wasn’t bad to look at either.

Even after the show left the air, I would try and catch it as much as I could, in syndication and on late night television. After leaving high school, I spent a summer in Grand Junction, CO. Over the course of those three months, I started to come into my own. I was staying with my father and stepmother, but I had already begun to really express myself. I lost a lot of weight, stopped eating meat and began to ride my bicycle everywhere. I actually did have a car, it was just in disrepair (a common theme in my life since then because I can’t just “buy a damn Chevy” and be happy) and so my only source of transportation was my bicycle.

In August, my Stepmother drove me to Fort Collins, CO where I moved into a single suite in the dormitories and began my freshman year of college. I was fortunate to not have to live with a roommate, of course I am quite sure that it had something to do with me asking “Do you have a gay dorm?” and it still doesn’t make sense to me why they put me in the football dorm, but I digress.

My first year at college was not an overwhelming success. I didn’t really study or try all that hard and I still managed to pull off better than a 3.0 GPA. I interviewed to be a RA and was offered a job as RA in the adult education dorm. At 19 years old, I would be managing people who would be in some cases 10 years older than me.

In that one year in college I felt my mind and soul awakening to a new life. I was outside of Alaska, and on my own. I no longer had any one else to officially account to and while I had always had my independence as a child, now I was truly free to express it. In hindsight, I wish I had a little more control thrust upon me as a child, but there is nothing I can do about that.

I joined several political and social groups on campus and before long, I was know by just about every Republican on campus. I was on my way to having the best college experience any person could hope for. Then, summer came. I went to the mountains and found a good job in Aspen. A lot of things happened that summer, nothing too significant, but a lot of smaller events that eventually lead to me not returning to school in the fall. That is the only decision I have ever made in my life that I have come even close to regretting.

Over the course of the next several years, I suffered through my dark years. I had forgotten how to think and create. I couldn’t even write simple poetry. Within a year, my creativity and drive for knowledge shriveled up, receded back to the corners of my mind and I forgot the high I got from learning.
Then, a couple of years ago, something happened. My desire to learn and create could no longer survive in the dark. Like an old sleeping vampire, a simple drop of blood revived the hunger. I realized that I had taken a vacation from reality and I had to go back. In any way I could.

As I sit here in the computer lab, on a Mac, listening to Cabaret Diosa and thinking of Joy, I realize that in a way, I have made full circle in my life. In fact, a full 10 year cycle. I am finally awake again and once again back on a path.

I caught a few minutes of Alex P. Keaton the other day. I don’t think in my youth I realized what it meant for Alex P. Keaton to be a republican or what his politics meant. I do now. Needless to say, I did not follow in the footsteps of Alex P. Keaton. I have instead chosen a different path: one slightly socialist, environmentalist, anti-corporatist and gay. You know, more like, Noam Chomsky.

AIDS Walk Sunday

AIDS Walk Sign In
Originally uploaded by Shayachern.

AIDS Walk

Val and I walked with the TOSA team in Sunday’s AIDS Walk Colorado. This is actually only the second time I have participated in the walk and I hope to make it an annual tradition.

The giant puppet was worn first by Jeff, founder of TOSA, and then by myself for the duration of the walk. It most definitely drew some attention!

Digital

Downtown From Campus
Originally uploaded by Shayachern.

Val and I received our digital cameras today. I have been aprehensive at best about buying a digital camera. I don't have anything against it as an art form (ok maybe a little) but I am not sure if it is going to be right for me.

After using the camera for a semester maybe I'll become more comfortable with it.

We'll see.

2 Grooms Media

I am quite happy to announce that our website 2 Grooms Media is finally up and running. While it is still bare bones, it will soon feature our photo galleries and other goodies. For those of you who have enjoyed my flicker photos, the photos on the website will hopefully be even better.

Hope you all get a chance to visit:

www.2gsmedia.com

Guns, Noodle Salad and Conversion

I would like to start by thanking all those who expressed their condolences and best wishes for my family and myself. The last week has been a difficult one many levels and knowing that we have the support of our communities at large is incredibly helpful in our processing our loss.

The services for my Grandmother took place Thursday morning and while I did not get to spend as much time up there as I had originally hoped, I did have a good week with my family. I have always had a weaker relationship with my father’s side of the family, and I hope that the time we were able to spend together helped to strengthen it; I am just saddened that it took the death of the Matriarch of the family to do it.

The actual service was wonderful with a few members of the family standing up and sharing their thoughts of my grandmother. I was quite upset with some of the choices that the pastor had made as far as his portion (for more information on that see Val’s post) but overall I feel that it was an appropriate good-bye.

I was surprised to see so many members of the Eagle County Sheriff’s office in attendance, and at one point was a little overwhelmed by how many of the attendees were armed. I am confident that as my grandfather adjusts to his life without his wife of 50 years, they will be there to help him as much as they can.

I am always amazed at how a community and friends come together in a time like this and how, if only temporarily, barriers and prejudices are put away for the sake of loss. I have unfortunately been to too many services for family members in the past few years, and I sincerely hope that I can have as much time as possible with those who are currently in my life.

Thank you all again,

Shaych

Whispers

Grandma Wilson
Originally uploaded by Shayachern.

Moments in time frozen by a simple click.

Memories impressed on layers of plastic by light revealed by liquid.

The memories of one day,
It was just us,
if there could only be one more.

Your name whispered on the morning’s breeze,
takes with it your life, your spirit.

In it’s place will be the memories,
frozen in time,
with a click.

June 10, 1938 - July 31, 2005

Too Far..?

Since when do bath houses have commercials on television?

Valium and I were watching Bravo and saw an ad for the Midtowne Spa, a gay bath house. I am not sure what to think of that. It was in a kind of like an online dating thing but still, a little odd.

Where's the pillow case part II.

I have once again spotted the pillowcases. I watched the beginning of Earth Girls are Easy (1988) the other night, and there they were, on Geena Davis's bed.

Tree at St. Mary's Alice, CO.

Tree at St. Mary's Alice, CO.
Originally uploaded by Shayachern.

One of my first black and whites.

My Newest Hero... Dan Savage

This excerpt was taken from a colum I found in the Village Voice (here). His syndicated column Savage Love can be found in several newspapers accross the country.


I regret three things about the column I wrote after George W. Bush won the election on November 2. I regret writing it in a drunken stupor. I regret uncritically accepting the "gay marriage cost Kerry the election!" hysteria that was flying around the day after the election. (That supposed fact, drawn from the same exit polls that showed John Kerry winning in a landslide, has been thoroughly debunked.) Finally, I regret not making it clearer to my straight readers why, for gays and lesbians, contemplating or threatening a move to Canada after November 2 wasn't and isn't just sour grapes. We live in a country in which one political party—the one that happens to control all branches of the federal government—"activates" its base by demonizing, scapegoating, and actively persecuting homos, a tiny and relatively defenseless minority group. Republicans tell the fundies in their base that the existence of gays and lesbians is a threat to the American family, Western civilization, and as one bigwig R recently put it, "the survival of the earth." At some point, the Rs are either going to have to make good on their rhetoric and actually do something about all the homos out there imperiling the survival of the planet (hey, maybe we're responsible for global warming?), or they're going to have to knock it off. I suspect and hope that they will. But the off chance that the Rs will one day decide to make good on their anti-gay rhetoric—by amending the U.S. Constitution to ban gay marriage, say, or rounding us all up and putting us in camps (I'd like to be sent to Boy Scout camp, please)—makes the thought of moving to a big, sane, nearby country where gays and lesbians are full and equal citizens extremely tempting.

While we're on politics, I regret being so mean to Republicans in my column—even going so far as to say that people shouldn't fuck them—for two reasons: First, I have a lot of readers who are Republicans, as it turns out, and they send me long, wounded letters whenever I suggest that they're unworthy of sexual release. (Dear Republican Readers of Savage Love: I trust you also send long, wounded letters to the prominent Republicans who suggest that I'm unworthy of equal treatment under the law.) Second, Republicans rule the world now, and it's probably not a great idea to be on their bad side. So I take it back: We should all fuck Republicans—they're fucking us, after all, so why not?

Crystal City

Crystal City
Marble, CO
Distance: 6 miles one-way from Beaver Lake


Six long and hard miles above Marble, Colorado lies the small ghost town of Crystal City. Usually accessible by 4WD in the late summer to fall, Crystal is a special and beautiful mountain village. Founded in the mid 1800's as a small mining and mill village, the town is now just a ghost and shadow of its former self.

Our journey began by cheating a bit and driving to the top of the first hill, cutting a well appreciated one mile off of our trek. This trip was the first time I had walked all the way back to Crystal City and it was a quite nice hike. It is not too challenging but there are some hills to climb, particularly on the way back out. In fact, I think I enjoyed the trip back on foot much more than on mountain bike or in a vehicle. The road can be quite difficult at times to manage as was the case this time, with significant debris and left over snow slides that covered the road making it impossible to pass with most motorized vehicles.

The road up can be quite crowded in the late summer with ATV’s and other outdoor enthusiasts however, this time we were literally the only two people on the entire road. This made the trip even nicer as there are very few places one can go in Colorado and not see other people. The only sounds we heard were the sounds of our own voices and the roaring Crystal River. Not even a plane over head.

About 1.5 miles in, is Lizard Lake, a small but popular fishing spot with the locals. I haven’t fished the lake since I was a very small child so, I can’t tell you what type of fish you can catch or how to catch them. If you are interested, perhaps a quick stop in at the Marble General Store (only open in the Summer) will yield the answers to these questions. The lake is small and with a mostly moss covered bottom. In the center of the small lake, the moss clears but you cannot see bottom. I have heard it rumored that the lake is actually the crater of a small volcano and is quite deep.

Just past Lizard Lake is perhaps the most difficult portion of the road to navigate in a vehicle. There is about a quarter of a mile long stretch where the road narrows to a true jeep trail. The road snuggles the side of a mountain with a significant 1,000 foot drop to the river bed below. This portion of the trip is not for the faint of heart. Once past this section, the road is mostly just bumpy and rock filled. There are a couple of other tight spots but none as drastic as the drop out of Lizard Lake. There is also some parking at the lake but, it is limited and can barely even be considered parking.

Just before reaching Crystal City, there is the other great reason to make this trip back into the mountains: The Crystal River Sawmill. The mill has braved the elements since its construction in 1892 and is perched quite delicately on the edge of a cliff next to a waterfall. The mill has been credited as one of the most photographed and painted buildings in the state. You cannot easily access the mill however, you can take wonderful photographs from across the river.
From the mill it is only about a quarter of a mile (if even that) to the actual town of Crystal City. There are summer residents that occupy a couple of the cabins and one family that operates a very small general store. Don’t let the idea of a general store fool you, if you need it, pack it in. There are no restaurants, gas stations or places to buy supplies once you leave Redstone. In fact, I recommend buying what you need in Carbondale and just bringing it with you, and making sure that you pack it all back out with you.

The journey to Crystal City is well worth the time. I have been several times in my life and I am still awed by the beauty of the high mountaintops and roaring river. I was very happy to be able to share this trip with Valium and I hope that he enjoyed it as much as I did.

For more information on Crystal City or for detailed directions on how to get there, contact me.

*** As an aside, the only photographic supply store in Glenwood Springs closed. So, if you still shoot film and have specific needs beyond simple color film, be sure to bring it with you. I talked to a few other shop owners in town who said that since The Darkroom closed, they might begin to carry a wider selection of supplies but, just in case, bring your own.

Destruction of Family

There is an inherent problem with the logic that legally recognizing same-sex couples will lead to the further destruction of the American family. Those who believe this assume that these families do not already exist; when in fact, they do. Recognizing same-sex parented families does not do anything to create these families, they already exist. It would provide stabilization and protection for the families that do already exist.

The only thing that it might do to create families is finally provide some sort of verification of the lives of those of us who feel like second class citizens. We in same-sex committed relationships are constantly being bombarded with messages and images telling us that we are not deserving of each other. This imagery comes from both the gay and straight media.

When coming out of the closet (in spite of many advances) we are still told that our relationships will amount to nothing. Something that many straight allies don't understand or appreciate is how much support they have for their marriages and relationships from the world as a whole. This network of support does not yet exist in the GLBT community. I hope that perhaps with some sort of recognition and acknowledgment of our relationships and validation of our existence, some day it will.

The White Temple of Goodness

I knew I wasn't the only one who thought of the Mac store as Mecca.

Now for a quick poll out there in Blogger land, why did you chose to buy the computer you own?

The Dilemma Grows

One thing I had held onto in my struggle for love of country was it's citizens. More specifically the sane citizens of our country who see oppression and discrimination and want to stand against it. Gallup released a poll today that cited 57% of Americans support the Federal Marriage Amendment. This statistic while not surprising did not hurt any where near as much as this: 45% of Democrats support the FMA.

I have said a lot of things on this Blog about leaving the country. Let me make this very clear, if the FMA passes, I will no longer desire to be an American Citizen. Period.

What can we do? Write your Senators and Congressional Representatives. Tell them that you do not want the FMA passed. But don't stop there. If the FMA legislation makes it out of congress it has to be ratified by 3/4 of the States. Write your state representatives and express your opposition to the FMA.

Think I sound like chicken little? Let me remind you that 18 states have voter approved constitutional amendments that ban same-sex marriage. The ballot measures were passed with an average of 70% support and no amendment that has been put to a ballot has failed. The congress will see this poll as the support that they need to pass the FMA, don't let the 57% go unanswered.

View Full Gallup Poll Results Here

What's Wrong With This Picture?

I turned on the television with the intention of watching regular broadcast television for the first time in a very long time. Since moving back to the hill we have been without cable, a choice we made because we were watching way too much television and not living enough. So, I have no idea what the network lineup looks like any more and since we only get two maybe three channels, I didn’t bother to check a TV Guide.

When I turned on the television, I sat and watched about 10 minutes of some reality television show that involved some woman telling these two people how to raise their children. I watched up until the point where the woman told the parents that they needed therapy because they were emotionally endangering their children. I am not sure what exactly had happened to cause this woman to come to this conclusion, but I must say that she was quite adamant about it.

After her I can’t do anything for you speech the couple sat down to discuss their marital and familial problems. It was during this discussion that it hit me. I should not be watching this. Understand not me personally, but anyone. These two people were arguing and airing their families dirty laundry on National Television. All I could think of was, why would they do this?

I don’t want to believe that we live in a society where anyone’s private life can become fodder for television. I don’t think that it is appropriate for these people to participate in this incredibly public airing of a private matter. I have never been a big fan of “reality television.” I think that the only reality based television should be the news, which ironically is not all that reality based.

The line between real and imaginary is getting thinner and thinner each day. With tabloid news coverage making its way into mainstream media, we have endless coverage of the Michael Jackson trial, Terry Schaivo’s death and the relentless fear mongering sex-offender hourly update on who is living where and what they had for breakfast. I am just waiting for the day when the headlines on Fox News are no different than the ones on the National Enquirer. Hell maybe Bill Oreilly can finally get that alien that has been helping all the presidents to go on national television, that I would pay for cable to see.

Another Fuzzy Thought

Why didn't I think of this?

Today's Warm and Fuzzy

Wow, you truly can get everything at a Super Wal*Mart.

Reduce, Reuse and Recycle

Since moving to the hill, Valium and I have been able to participate regularly in recycling; I really like the idea of being able to have an alternative to throwing something in the trash. I have been inspired by the environmental consciousness of the Telluride Film Festival where nearly everything was recyclable, compost or reusable. I have long been an advocate of responsible environmentalism in every day life, now I am able to “practice what I preach.”

A Little Catching Up

Ok, so I have several posts today that are really some things that I wrote but hadn't posted, so enjoy!

Today's Warm and Fuzzy Thought (actually a couple of them)

Gays = Beastiality. Are we really still talking about this? I have to give CO State Rep Paccione props, she stood up and finally said what we were all thinking.

The attendees of the funeral for Pope John Paul II on Friday shows how important he was. While he only technically lead a small country, he led the world of the faithful. I hope that the next Pope continues his message of peace and love; I also hope that his successor will have a more open view on social issues and perhaps a more inclusive view on the church as a whole.

I find it interesting that we are fourth in the world in the number of executions in 2004. What I find to be even more interesting is the nations that are rank around us. Looking at the political climate in some of those other Nations might provide some insight into our own politics.

Here is an interesting essay on the culture war and the concepts behind compassionate conservatism.

Al Gayda and other Social Protest

What if there really were a gay and liberal revolution? We could start with a national GLBTQS walkout, supported by members of the community and allies where on October 11th (National Coming Out Day) everyone who supports GLBTQS rights doesn't go to work. Instead, we gather at people's homes. Business could voluntarily close completely if their staff agreed to a whole shut down. Imagine an entire nation calling in queer to work "Sorry can't come into day, still queer." If being gay is an illness, why not?

Then later we follow the "Al Gayda" walk out with a significantly larger progressive walkout where we could gather in parks and demonstrate on all the various progressive issues. Huge demonstrations would take place all over the country and the conservative "Love America or Leave It" Bush supporters would finally understand what it would mean if we all really left. Given the last election, as much as half the nation would not report to work.

We would be called hippies, freaks, un-American and probably even terrorists, but it would be worth it. It would be unifying for a purpose and would energize progressives and give us purpose. In a time where being "liberal" is as bad as being "gay" we would all come out of our closets and stand tall as proud American Liberals, shouting at the tops of our lungs: "We're here! We're Liberal! And we want our Country back!"

What I have realized is how wonderful our nation could be. We have amazing beautiful and talented people who could make this a wonderful place to live. There is no reason we couldn't be the nation that I dream of. A place where corporations don't rule and where individuality and personality are cherished. We just have to come out of the closet, stand tall and with a clear and untied voice, say "This is not acceptable. We want better for ourselves and our children and damnit, we deserve a government that is ours for good."

Overheard at Breakfast

The following was overheard at a Waffle House while Valium and I were having breakfast. I know, "Waffle House Bad" but we were in Colorado Springs, it kind of felt right. This was a conversation between our waitress and the short order cook:

Waitress: Bacon, egg, hash, cheese.
Short Order Cook: What?
Waitress: Bacon, egg, hash, cheese.
Short Order Cook: What?
Waitress: (slower this time) Bacon, egg, hash, cheese.
Short Order Cook: What?
Waitress: Oh, sorry. Bacon, egg, hash AND cheese.
Short Order Cook: Thank you. How's that open conjunction working for you?

Todays Warm and Fuzzy Thought

And yet, I still want to live there.

Todays Thought

May she rest in peace.

Today's Warm and Fuzzy Thought

Things to ponder.

Judicial Replacement

Traditional Values Defined

Gay Conversion

Straight Conversion

Today's Warm and Fuzzy Thought

I really resent being pushed into digital photography. I have yet to purchase a digital camera, though I will most likely do so in the future. Before I go further let me say that I truly believe that there is a place in the world for digital photography. Additionally, anyone who knows me knows that I am not someone who is afraid of technology. I just don’t think that digital photography is right for me and my art. I have been struggling with exactly why I don’t feel comfortable with digital photography and here is what I have come up with so far:

- I like working in a darkroom. I love negatives. The entire process of creating something on a black sheet of paper is amazing to me.

- I like not knowing if my photographs have turned out until I process the film, it makes me concentrate on framing and making sure I have the right exposure.

- I am afraid that digital photography will make me lazy. When I can see the instant results of a photo, I will re-take and re-take until I have what I deem to be a perfect photograph. This fear leads to the fear that I will become entirely to compulsive and loose the pleasant accidents that tend to happen in photography.

- I recognize digital photography as its own independent form of art, separate from film photography. Not better, not worse but separate.

- I resent halfwit morons who bought a $1,000 digital camera and think that makes them a stellar photographer. I really resent it when these people then tell me that film is antiquated and useless.

- I will probably buy a digital camera and it will most likely nearly replace my use of a 35mm point and shoot or fun camera.

- I want to move into medium and/or large format photography.

I also know that the struggle that I am currently going through over digital photography is not the first artist struggle that I or any other artists has ever gone through, nor will it be the last. I am sure that I will eventually find some sort of workable answer to this question, until then, I’ll stick to film.

Today's Warm and Fuzzy Thought

I really resent being pushed into digital photography. I have yet to purchase a digital camera, though I will most likely do so in the future. Before I go further let me say that I truly believe that there is a place in the world for digital photography. Additionally, anyone who knows me knows that I am not someone who is afraid of technology. I just don’t think that digital photography is right for me and my art. I have been struggling with exactly why I don’t feel comfortable with digital photography and here is what I have come up with so far:

- I like working in a darkroom. I love negatives. The entire process of creating something on a black sheet of paper is amazing to me.

- I like not knowing if my photographs have turned out until I process the film, it makes me concentrate on framing and making sure I have the right exposure.

- I am afraid that digital photography will make me lazy. When I can see the instant results of a photo, I will re-take and re-take until I have what I deem to be a perfect photograph. This fear leads to the fear that I will become entirely to compulsive and loose the pleasant accidents that tend to happen in photography.

- I recognize digital photography as its own independent form of art, separate from film photography. Not better, not worse but separate.

- I resent halfwit morons who bought a $1,000 digital camera and think that makes them a stellar photographer. I really resent it when these people then tell me that film is antiquated and useless.

- I will probably buy a digital camera and it will most likely nearly replace my use of a 35mm point and shoot or fun camera.

- I want to move into medium and/or large format photography.

I also know that the struggle that I am currently going through over digital photography is not the first artist struggle that I or any other artists has ever gone through, nor will it be the last. I am sure that I will eventually find some sort of workable answer to this question, until then, I’ll stick to film.

A Little Catching Up

I have not been updating my Blog recently mostly due to the large amounts of school work that I have to do. I have though been following headlines so here are a couple of thoughts I have had over the last several days:

- "The Culture of Life" One of the most frustrating things about fighting the neoconservative movement is when you stand opposed to their policies, you are accused of standing on the side of death, terrorists and Satan. I believe in supporting life, I however do not believe in keeping someone alive against their stated will. Nor do I believe that creating a "culture of life" relates only to unborn children and persons in a persisted vegetative state. I find it amazing that most who support this "culture of life" also support the death penalty, abolition of all gun controls laws, the war in Iraq, and don't believe in a nationalized health care system that would actually provide a better quality of life for millions of Americans.

- "Listen to what I say, not what I do." I think that I may have finally begun to understand how the neoconservative are winning elections. They talk about family values and creating a better society by protecting marriage and cutting their taxes. They present their case that they are there to work hard for the average American and to better peoples lives. They accuse judges of being activists and forcing their own evil agenda on the citizens of this country. They understand that the average American only gets 20 seconds of real news every day and they like it that way. This environment of "ADD News" means that they don't actually have to explain what they are really doing in office, they can just continue to paint this pretty picture and the country will continue to buy it. As liberal progressions, it takes us more time to really explain what is actually happening, and in the mean time, we are called cowards, killers and unpatriotic. I am astounded by what is not covered on the news or in any form of main stream media. I would encourage you all to read at least one alternative media a week. I can almost guarantee you, it will change your perception of the world.

Mother Jones
Democracy Now
BBC (though mainstream it has a better world view than any American press)
The Village Voice


If you aren't outraged, you aren't paying attention. --- bumper sticker

Today's Warm and Fuzzy Thought

Ok, so I have tried to stop reading the IMDB comments on films. They are usually painful and full of opinions of people who, quite frankly have no business watching film, much less writing about it. However, after having seen the new animated film Robots, I had to read the comments. Some of them were the usual blah, blah, blah.... but then I stumbled onto this tread and found some of the most humorous and fun film discussions I have ever read.

If you take the time to read the post (please do) make sure you read all the responses. I know that it may seem like a lot but trust me, it is well worth it.

Today's Warm and Fuzzy Thought

Click HERE for a break from the day's headlines.

Candy Now or Later?

I once had a Poli Sci professor who made the observation that “Most Americans would take some candy now over more candy later.” When he first taught that to the class I kind of laughed and filed it away in the back of my mind.

Now over the past couple of weeks Valium and I have been mulling over our lives and what we should about our various situations. It wasn’t until we truly began this serious discussion that I realized exactly what my professor was saying. Some of you may not know that only a couple of years ago, I was making a very, very good wage. In fact, considering my age and my lack of college degree, it was an incredibly good wage. I was perfectly happy living the rest of my life in a carrier that didn’t really have any soul or meaning but brought in the money.

Then something happened. I remembered what it was like to create. I began to realize that the creative drive inside of my that I thought was dead was in fact just sleeping. I decided to explore that part of me and go back to school. After a few bumps along the way, I have finally realized what it is I am looking for. Some focus and enlightenment on what I need to do in order to bring to life my creations. I realized that creativity and art does not come without sacrifice, which brings me to the candy now vs. candy later question.

I think that I am beginning to really appreciate the concept of more candy later. I now understand that in order for us to truly accomplish what we want to accomplish, we need minimize our lives and get down to “le strict nécessaire.” So, all this is to say don’t be surprised to see some more changes from the Mrz. Fairchild.

We’ll keep you posted.

Today's Warm and Fuzzy Thought

Hey, You America.... look over here and debate social security while we ruin the environment, destroy corporate accountability, re-ignite the nuclear arms race, take more money away from the poor and pave over wetlands.

Picture
Story

Today's Warm and Fuzzy Thought

This should not be today's biggest headline on CNN.com or Fox.com. That story should not be a headline at all. Whatever happened in that house is incredibly personal and private and should be kept so. I don't blame the press for their coverage, I blame the consumers for wanting it.

Today's Warm and Fuzzy Thought

Using the cover of Social Security reform, President Bush continues to quietly push his real agenda of fundamentalist Christian ideals. I had heard about the Faith Based Initiatives in the last Congress and I am pretty sure that many parts of it were passed. However what was not passed was his "Workplace Investment Act" which is a great title for a really bad piece of legislation. This act would allow Faith Based groups to enter into the employment training arena and would exempt them from any local laws that require fair hiring practices on religions grounds. Which means, they could object to training or hiring anyone who they object to on religious grounds.

Here's what bothers me about this:

1. A quick Google News search found only 3 stories on this new legislation recently passed by the House, vs. the several hundred on the Michael Jackson trial. The only news agencies to even address the issue of the WIA were parts of the gay press.

2. I am all for religious freedom. I believe that each person should be free to express their religions beliefs fully with the protection of the full power of the government. However, no organization may discriminate in any area for employment for any reason. Period. Much less with the full blessing and funding of the United States Government.

3. It seems that the goal of the government and other organizations is to expand the opportunities for discrimination and not limit them. This trend is the exact opposite of most of the rest of the world

Story

Today's Warm and Fuzzy Thought

I just thought I would post a couple of quick quotes from the EU Constitution. The quotes are Article 20 & 21 of the Charter of Fundamental Rights.

Article 20
Equality before the law

Everyone is equal before the law.

Article 21
Non-discrimination

1. Any discrimination based on any ground such as sex, race, colour, ethnic or social origin, genetic features, language, religion or belief, political or any other opinion, membership of a national minority, property, birth, disability, age or sexual orientation shall be prohibited.
2. Within the scope of application of the Treaty establishing the European Community and of the Treaty on European Union, and without prejudice to the special provisions of those Treaties, any discrimination on grounds of nationality shall be prohibited.

A Plea for Input

I have recently developed a very sour opinion of my country. I don't know if this is a skewed vision or if what I am seeing is reality. So, this is what I would like from all of you in Blogger Land. Please respond to this post with one positive thing about contemporary America. While I would prefer some specific examples, even a quick sentence will do. Help me restore some faith in our Nation.

A brief note of change on my Blog. I have changed the layout so that only my recent days post will come up on the initial screen. If you would like to go back a couple of days, you can do so with the links to the right.

Shaych

Today's Warm and Fuzzy Thought

Yep, it's back.

In a recent series of articles Fox News Reporter Greg Palkot followed the Bush Train through Europe trying to get the "real European man's" view on Americans and our policy. The first story I read of his was the last installment of the series written from Slovakia. The entire article is written from a negative "back in the USSR" mentality that really upset me. Perhaps it is because the eastern European block countries are near and dear to my heart but this article really upset me. He talks as though they have lived for generations without Soviet rule when in fact they only gained their own sense of independence a relatively short time ago, so they have not really had a lot of time or money to come into their own.

In this article he also asserts that only by becoming more American and more capitalistic will these countries survive. I find this to be amazingly arrogant. In case some haven't noticed, we do not have the only form of democracy nor do we have a 100% perfect way of running a country. There are a number of serious problems we face as a nation on domestic issues that should not be spread to other countries. In this article he only slightly addresses some negative feelings that apparently only one person in the whole of Slovakia has, then moves on to some perky secretary who says she "loves" America.

The entire article reminded me of reading pieces written by early explorers who talk about the savages and how it was the responsibility of the explorers to show them the right way to live. I have a hard time with the mentality that "progress" is measured by how many Wal Marts and Barnes and Nobels are on each block. I mean will Eastern Europe finally be brought into the modern era when you can't spit without hitting a Starbucks? Why can't they find their own way to democracy and to their own economic system. I mean G-d forbid they should suddenly have a system of fair taxation, centralized health care for all citizens, a viable retirement plan for senior citizens, a governing body that truly represents the people and a society that doesn't look down on history, culture and those who cant afford it?

For an interesting take on Communist/Socialist to capitalist change see Good Bye Lenin.

Today's Warm and Fuzzy Thought (part two)

In another article written by Greg Plakot he talks about being in Germany. His article makes absolutely no mention of any protest marches or any dissent in the small German town he visited. He does talk about some woman and her first chewing gum and how she marveled at the "big cars that the Americans tooled around in, real ambassadors for the American way." What he doesn't mention is the large protest happening just 10 minutes from where he is. If he really wanted to know how the Germans feel about Bush and our Policies, he should have asked these people.

Just a Matter of Latitude

As our neighbors to the north consider national legislation to legalize same-sex marriage in all Canadian Provinces and Territories, opponents of same-sex marriage in the United States are voicing their opinions. Apparently several thousand letters have flooded the Prime Minister's voicing the concerns of American Conservative Christians telling him to abandon his pursuit of same-sex marriage. In other words, Americans are trying to tell Canadians who should and should not get married in their country. The arrogance of these people astound me. The decision on whether or not Canada allows same-sex couples the right to marry is Canada's decision. I really don't think we want Canadians weighing in on our public policy, so we should stay out of theirs.

Article

Two Interesting Polls

Majority of Americans believe that the United States is ready for a female president and what's more, they believe that it can be Hillary Rodham Clinton. Here

A majority of Americans do not believe that humans evolved at all, instead they believe that G-d created us just as we are. They also favor teaching both creationism and evolution in schools. Here

A Question of Spiritutality

DISCLAIMER: In this post I address issues of religion, G-d and faith. Nothing in here is meant to be a statement of aggression or negativity. I am simply exploring ideas and thoughts that I have had from time to time. While I am on what some may call a spiritual quest, that does not mean that I am in search of a particular religion or dogma. So, if you have interesting and constructive ideas to share, please do. HOWEVER Do not make any attempt to bring me to the life of g-d or any church in particular. I will completely ignore and disregard any attempt at ANY conversion. Religion and spirituality are extremely personal issues and as I try and respect the decisions others have made, I fully expect the same respect in return. Let me also add; the discussion and ideas I share in this post are not political but philosophical. I see a clear line between theology and politics and while I do spend quite a bit of time talking about the politics of religion, this is essay is written from a theological approach. This disclaimer applies for this post and any other posts on this Blog that deal with the exploration of religion.

In an attempt to work out some of my own philosophical and spiritual issues, I have decided to share some of my thoughts on G-d. A number of events recently have led me back to questioning what I believe and why I believe it. This posting is the first of what I hope to be several personal essays exploring the ideas of religion and spirituality. It is incomplete and not a polished piece of writing, so please bear with me.

Let me first begin by admitting most of what I know about G-d (I’ll explain later why I have chosen to use G-d) I learned from movies. I have always been drawn to the big picture battle between good and evil and how that battle is played out on and through man kind. I am fascinated by the “mystical” elements of religion and how those elements (angels, demons, saints… etc.) live among us in our every day world. I gain a lot of satisfaction from the idea that there is a whole other layer to the world that we live in that we do not understand or see.

I have seen and felt things that I know exist and to me denying their existence is pure naiveté. I have felt the power of meditation and magic. I have sensed the manipulation of energy, the force that I believe holds us all together. There are things that make sense to me because I can feel that they are real. This is not a blind faith of a deity but just something that comes from deep inside me that I know it is true.

Many have confused my lack of belief in the Christian G-d with a lack of belief in any higher power. I find that assumption to be absurd. I firmly believe in the existence of an entity that reaches beyond our present comprehension and our single plane of existence. I see this entity as being omniscient and omnipresent, not because it created life but because it is created of life. In fact not just life, but existence itself. Imagine Puff The Magic Dragon, Puff existed because the children believed in him, they invested time energy and life force to create an entity that would not exist without them. Once the children stopped believing, he stopped existing.

In this writing and others, I use the written form of G-d as G – d. This idea originally came from Orthodox Judaic Teachings that one must never write the name of G-d because if you were to have to erase or destroy the document that the name of G-d is written on, then you are in fact destroying G-d himself. While I found that idea fascinating at the time, the more I thought about it the more I realized that for me the idea of writing the name of G-d in this manner separates what is see as G-d and what others see as God. G-d throughout history has been called many different names. Every religion has placed a different label on what I believe to be the same exact thing.

I don’t see organized religion as a natural thing. I think that organized religion is an invention of mankind in an attempt to create something to explain what I see as G-d. I think that is why I never have felt comfortable with any religious institution. I don’t believe that knowledge and enlightenment should cost financially. I don’t believe that one should have to go to any single building or place to access the power that it is G-d through a single point person. I think that we all are and should be our own temples and our own gateway to this entity that is G-d. I see churches as being large organizations that have entirely too much power and wealth for their own good. I believe that G-d exists hot because of organized religion but in spite of it.

A Brief Reprise and Response

It has been brought to my attention that some who read my blog have been potentially offended by my apparent hatred of Christians and Christianity. So I would like to take a moment and perhaps clarify my position.

I understand that there are a number of wonderful people in this world who have faith in G-d and lead wonderful lives. They have beautiful families and understand what it means to be a positive member of a community and how their community fits into the world as a whole. There are Christians who believe that tolerance, love, peace and honesty are virtues that we should all uphold. I would agree with them. I think that the world could use a lot more tolerance and understanding. I recognize that there are a number of positive religious organizations in the world: Religious Tolerance.org, Unitarian Universalists, and Habitat for Humanity. My frustration is not with those who would follow the true idea that I believe lies at the heart of most religions, but with those who would use G-d as a weapon.

Let me share a little about myself. I was raised in a family that did not have any strict religious views. I was taught growing up that I should be a responsible and good person because it was the right thing to do, not because some omnipotent being would punish me if I did the wrong thing. I was taught that knowledge and independent thought are the two most important virtues any person could possibly have. Growing up I saw a lot of pain and anger in my family and I learned very quickly what excess and abuse can do to a home. Once, I entered school, I also learned what it feels like to be harassed, bullied and called names, something that would continue for the next 13 years.

Now that I have grown, the names have changed and the faces have aged but the message is still the same. Instead of the children on the schoolyard, the jabs come from a much higher and much more organized force. These groups of people hide behind seemingly innocent names and messages of family values and a better America, when at their core, they are really teachers of hate and fear. I understand that you may not see it that way, but I have seen the worst of them all.



On a personal note:

In a recent response to Valium Blog, it was brought to my attention that, after reading my blog, they felt the way that I would feel, if they posted daily gay bashing information on the net. To this person I say this; I do see daily gay bashings happening on the net; not by you personally, but I do see it. I see it in the 11 states that just passed legislation that says no matter how long I am with my partner and husband, we will never be anything more than strangers. I see it when I read that I am responsible, because of my affectual orientation, in any way for the deaths on September 11. I read it when I am compared to pedophiles, zoophiles, rapists, and worse. I hear it on the radio when my president tells me that my relationship is one of the single greatest threats my country faces. You may not see it, but I do.

Let me say just one more thing about politics in general. I don’t think religion (of any kind or fashion) belongs in government. Period. If someone chooses to align themselves with the politics of our current administration and see my criticizing them as an attack on Christians in general, I cannot help that. Nor will I ever back down from my fight against the dishonesty and blatant greed of the current administration. I may regret being too general, something my foes are all too often guilty of, but I will stand behind each and every individually directed comment I have ever made on my blog.

I don’t want to get into too much detail here, if you would like to exchange ideas, contact me. I would love to have an open and honest discussion with any of you. I don’t want to burn familial bridges before they even have the chance to be built. I would love to have seen anyone from Valium’s family be at our wedding. I am sure our families would get along well. If it is one thing you will learn about me it is that I have strong opinions and convictions, both of which I am more than happy to share. I welcome good meaning debate and discussion, I believe that is how we learn and grow as humans. When our beliefs are challenged we learn, and that knowledge makes our beliefs even stronger.

A Moment of Reflection

I love creation, I love inspiration, I love knowing that I have brought something beautiful into the world. The entire creative process excites me, no mater the medium. Along with Valium, I too touched brush, to paint, to canvas for the first time today. I had a dream several months ago that I was painting, and the feeling I had in my dream was of pure joy and relaxation, something I hope to find in my waking life. Sometimes I find myself so stressed out and overwhelmed that worry that it has consumed me and I would like to explore painting as a way to release some of this energy and maybe find some peace within.

I would also like to explore mediation. There is a Buddhist center down the street from the new apartment that offers weekly mediations led by a Buddhist monk, I think I would like to give it a try. Any one else up for it?

A Short Break

I think that it might be time for me to take a little break from the daily headlines. Lately, most of my writing has been incredibly political which has served as an opportunity for me to vent some of my frustration on what is going on in our world. Sometimes it can be so overwhelming that I just don't know what to do and writing helped with that. However, I also need to start taking some time to write about other things and work on my creative side. So, I think I am going to take a short break from the Today's Warm and Fuzzy Thought and instead move into a more narrative/creative direction.

I hope you all like it.

Today's Warm and Fuzzy Thought

Isn't it bad enough that Fuckus on the Family has created gay panic and hysteria in our country? Apparently, FOF, CFV, and other AMERICAN RIGHT WING CHEST BEATING JESUS FREAKS have been trying to influence Canadian Parliament to vote against adopting same sex marriage. What is it about us (gays and lesbians) that freak these people out? Really, I want to know. What have I done as an average American gay man that has harmed any of them? I truly believe that their fear and hatred (I don't care what they say, that is precisely what it is) has crossed the line and has become pathological. Focusing that much on my sexuality is just not healthy.

I hope that the Canadian Government stands up and fights against this influence from the South. Events like this make me want to put my buttons back on and go militant again. I miss Queer Nation. Maybe what we have forgotten is that our sexuality, in fact our very existence in this country is political. We have tried to just live our lives and be quite subservient homos living in an essential closet. They kept telling us that if you weren't so forceful about it then it wouldn't be an issue. The apparent deal was that if we would go and sit quietly right outside the closet door, we would get the equal treatment that we deserve. Well, we quieted down, and the rights haven't come.

In an era of political correctness, we have changed our vocabulary to become more like everyone else. We have "gay pride" celebrations that are in all honesty a total joke. (I probably won't make any friends with the next few sentences but, whatever) Pride Fest has turned into a day long party that has done very little to actually advance our idea or to improve our community. The only thing to really come out of this day of "celebration" is the opportunity for the nightly news to get their annual 30 seconds of footage featuring drag queens, leather daddies and topless lesbians to remind the families at home what the queers are doing. Now don't get me wrong, I have no problems with drag queens, leather daddies and topless lesbians. In fact, it is probably those three groups that still hold on to some semblance of activism and true sense of what it means to have to fight for basic living rights.

I believe I have written before on the issue of our cause not being the general public's cause. I am astounded by how many people I talk to who don't understand what the actual and real legal status is of my life in our nation. Well let me take this opportunity to share a few ideas:

States without any meaningful legal recognition of same-sex couples: 48

States without basic anti-discriminatory laws that include sexual orientation: 35

Number of GLB members of the armed forces discharged under “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” in 2003: 787 that is 2.16 a day. Though I admit that was down from the all time recorded high of 1,273 (3.49 a day) in 2001. Then again, we are at war where historically discharges go down until after combat ends when they are likely to rise again.

Number of states where GLB couples are specifically allowed to adopt children: 5 States that absolutely forbid same sex adoption: 6 Same sex adoption in the other 39 states is ambiguous.

What does all this mean? It means that in an overwhelming majority of this country, my relationship with my husband has absolutely no recognition. We are treated as no more than causal roommates. For those of you who are married, think about how many aspects of your life is affected by your marriage and what that means.

It means that in an overwhelming majority of this country I can be refused service because of my sexual orientation, I can be fired because my boss doesn’t like that I am gay, I can be refused room and shelter in a public hotel, I can be refused the rental of an apartment or the purchase of a home, all without legal recourse. Because remember, in order for any discrimination to be illegal, there has to be a law forbidding it.

So whose fault is it? Ours, all of ours. Mine, yours, Focus on the Family’s, Bush’s, HRC’s, all of ours. What can be done? I don’t know, but I know that the answer does not lie in what we are doing today. Something has to change, drastically.

I just find it amazing that in the years since the 1969 Stonewall riots, while we have gained many advances in the overall culture and public acceptance, very little has changed where it matters. It doesn’t matter how many gay characters there are on television or how successful “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” is, we are treated as second-class citizens in the eyes of the law. And in the end that is all that really matters when the lights go out.

Today's Warm and Fuzzy Thought

Iran

Thank you all who voted for Bush. A war in Iran will make Iraq look like a cake walk. Instead of actually declaring war on "terror" why didn't Bush just say what he really wanted to do, declare war on the Middle East.

Today's Warm and Fuzzy Thought

Ok, I am not finance minded but this is what I understand about the Social Security issue:

• The economic forecasts that Bush uses to calculate that SS is going to be exhausted by 2040, would also mean that our entire economy has come to a halt. What this also means is that his calculations of what the Personal Private Accounts (or whatever they are calling them now) would not have near the return percentage that he is reporting. In fact, if you use the economic forecasts that he is using to sell his privatization plan, then there actually is no Social Security crisis.
• His privatization plan would cost in the trillions of dollars, almost all of which will be paid for in an accumulation of debt. A vast majority of this money would go to paying the account fees for the private accounts. Now, if you were to put these trillions of dollars directly into Social Security, it would completely bail the system out.
  
• Again, I am not a fiscally minded person, however, it would make more sense to me to leave the Social Security system alone and allow individuals to invest more money in 401(k) plans or Roth IRAs. These private retirement investment systems are already in place, and would cost no money to change the allowed contributions. If there is someone out there in Blog land who can explain why this wouldn't work, I would appreciate it.
  

Today's Warm and Fuzzy Thought

What the hell kind of world and country are we living in?

Soldiers editing "kill videos" to music.

Marine General says it was "fun to shoot some people".

Sniper fundraiser, hey they need love too.

Today's Warm and Fuzzy Thought

So, Girlzoot calls me tonight and asks me what I thought of the speech. My first thought was "What speech?" then I remembered that our sovereign leader delivered his State of the Union speech today. I must confess I didn’t see or hear his speech. Though I don’t really think I had to. Without so much as reading a transcript or hearing any sound bites from the speech I was able to guess what he talked about. Well, all but one thing.

I didn’t need to sit through who knows how long of a speech for him to tell me what his plan is to destroy our Nation. I really try to avoid using overstated terms, but I truly believe that unless he is stopped, that is precisely what will happen. Between the voting irregularities (Ohio in 2004, Florida in 2000), expansion of corporate roles in our day-to-day government (private military fighting in Iraq), privatization of everything from education to social security, loss of individual rights (Patriot Act), acts of unprovoked aggression (war in Iraq) and increase in religious fervor in our nations leaders, we are rapidly approaching despotism if not full on fascism.

What scares me most is that we as a citizenry will just stand aside and let it happen. Remember, even Hitler was elected to his office.

So let me leave you with two quotes from another infamous leader Bernito Mussolini and you make up your own mind:

“Fascism should more appropriately be called corporatism because it is a merger of state and corporate power.”

“Let us have a dagger between our teeth, a bomb in our hands, and infinite scorn in our hearts.”

Today's Warm and Fuzzy Thought

Moving sucks.

Well it has taken a couple of days but Valium and I are finally settled into our new apartment. Mind you, that does not mean that all the boxes are unpacked, it only means that it doesn't take us 20 minutes to find underwear in the morning. So far, we are quite happy with our new home and I think we could be quite happy here. Our course load has lessened by one class which should help us out with time and homework.

Over the weekend, my dad helped my grandmother move out of her home that she shares with my grandfather and move into an assisted living type apartment. I didn't know this was happening and I wish that I could have been there to help. I always remember my grandmother from my youth when she was a creative beacon in my life. Then some things changed and she began to grow tired, and her art and creativity began to wither and fade. She has spent her entire life taking care of other people. In her youth it was her brothers and sisters, once married her husband and children, and in some cases, her children's children. She has always been someone who has put other people's needs before her own and now I hope that she will take the time in her last years and take care of herself. I truly hope that she once again uses her time to create beautiful art.

I draw inspiration from my family but not by the things they have accomplished but by the things they have not. When my mom died, she left so many things undone. My uncle is a wonderful painter and yet never touches the brush. My grandmother who always wanted to study science and never did. I see their regrets and unfulfilled dreams and I realize that I still have an opportunity to not follow in their footsteps. Instead, I will do the things I always wanted to do.

Today's Warm and Fuzzy Thought

Last night, Valium and I cleaned our new apartment in anticipation of our move this Saturday. The new apartment is in an area of town known as Capitol Hill, a mostly young artistic and gay neighborhood in central Denver. In the time I have lived in Denver, I have moved onto and off of the hill a number of times and, each time I come back to the hill it feels like I am coming home. The neighborhood is made up of mostly older houses and apartment buildings covered in ivy with well-grown yards and some beautiful gardens. The streets are tree lined and we are now only 2 blocks away from the third largest park in the entire city.

When we went for a short walk to Queens (for those of you who don’t know, well don’t ask don’t tell) I began to remember why I loved living on the hill. As most of you know, I am not a huge fan of living in Denver. There are many reasons for this that I won’t go into now but, when I am on the hill, I kind of forget that I’m living in Denver. The hill begins to feel like a real city with history and substance. I have a theory that great cities are built on the intersections of the universal web, and there is a concentration of power, energy and life that feeds the people living there. It is similar to the feeling I get when I am in NYC, it is the feeling that even if no one lived there, the city would still feel alive.

I love living in places where there is a sense of history and character. I don’t think I could ever be happy living in suburbia where every house is essentially the same, and every detail is perfect. I love diversity in aesthetics and people and that is what we have on the hill.

So, if you are in the neighborhood, stop in and we’ll sit out on our front porch, have a cocktail and just absorb the power of the city.

Today's Warm and Fuzzy Thought

In the spirit of my last post, please visit Jack Van Impe, my favorite Christian loon. Not only is he a completely frightening Evangelical, he specializes in the second coming of Christ. What frightens me most though, he actually is one of The Shrub's (A.K.A. President Bush) closest advisors.

Need I really say more?

For a good time, see the question of the week.

Today's Warm and Fuzzy Thought

I want to start a revolution. Seriously, I am tired of having to put up with ridiculous Christian rhetoric and the constant presence of God in my everyday life. I have tolerated many years of people telling me God bless you, God bless America, blah, blah, blah, but now I think it is time for it to stop.

Yet again conservative Christian groups are targeting cartoons that do not potter gays as evil. This time it is a PBS cartoon that has one specific episode where a bunny goes to Vermont for syrup. It just so happens that Vermont has same-sex Civil Unions for same-sex and, the bunny apparently encounters two lesbian couples in his journey. This time, the criticism comes directly from the Bush Administration. Education Secretary, Margaret Spellings, has stated that the program has violated the policy for public funding and should not be aired. (story)

So, I think that I am going to give up my progressive kindness and tolerance and start being just as much of a bigoted ass as the Christians. They want a culture war? As far as I am concerned, they have one with me.

Todays Warm and Fuzzy Thought

Today’s Warm and Fuzzy Thought

Over the weekend, I heard a news article on NPR that completely mortified me. I had not heard of the program called Indian Student Placement Programs until this article and I am apparently way behind the curve on this.

For those who may not know, from about 1954 to 1996 The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints would take children from a number of reservations and bring them to Utah to stay with foster families in an attempt to bring them back to the gospel of Jesus Christ. The reason that they were doing is because of the Book of Mormon’s teachings that the Native American’s originally held the gospel, and that once they fell from the grace of G-d their skin and hair turned dark and they were now the dark race. So, the Book of Mormon teaches that bringing them back to the church is one of their great missions.

I don’t want to go too far off on this subject because it is new to me but I just wanted to share a couple of thoughts. First, I cannot understand how as recent as 1996, organized intellectual genocide was still being sanctioned against Native Americans. I had hoped, perhaps with a little naiveté, that we had moved past this mentality as a Nation. Second, I find it unconscionable that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints would take children from their homes to indoctrinate them into their religion. I understand that this is not a new policy but for some reason I really see this as being far worse than anything I have heard before. Above all, I am offended that this is the first I have heard of such things taking place in my lifetime. That is not the fault of any one person, but I believe the cumulative fault of many, myself included.

What this information has really taught me is that I apparently don’t know as much as I thought about the struggle of the American Native. I guess I haven’t really gone beyond what I have learned in grade school, and that saddens me. I realize that I want to learn more, that I need to try and understand what my country has done to its own people. As our soldiers are fighting and dying to liberate a country from a leader who systematically tried to eliminate one of the sects of his own country, I am learning more of what we have done and, are still doing as a Nation to our own people. I have often had difficulty with our hypocrisy as a country but the more I learn, the worse it gets.

So, I will close with this. If you have any credible resources or links that you can share with me on this subject, please do.

Shaych

Today's Warm and Fuzzy Thought

Yesterday I was surfing through the channels looking for some interesting coverage of the Inoculation of George W. Bush as our Nation's sovereign and G-d chosen leader, when I came across FoxNews' Bill O'Reilly. I managed to catch his show just as he was going into commercial break and played the bumper for his Most Ridiculous Item of the Day segment. Hoping to hear some fun conservative rhetoric about the protesters that lined the Inoculation parade route, I stayed tuned.

However, when he returned from the break, the story that he used as his Most Ridiculous Item of the Day, was not about the Inoculation at all. Instead, he covered a story about the Canadian government allowing openly gay soldiers to marry each other. For those of you who don't know, the Canadian government allows gays and lesbians to serve openly in their military as well as allowing same sex marriage. What astounded me was that O'Reilly acted offended that the Canadian government had the audacity to allow fags and dykes to actually not only defend their country openly, but to actually get married. His highlighting this story as his Most Ridiculous Item of the Day shows his true fear and loathing of all things Canadian (I truly think this stems from his intense hatred of the French) and gays and lesbians.

I just don't freaking get it.

Today's Warm and Fuzzy Thought

Hollywood Gossip

I am so fucking sick of hearing about how audiences stayed away from Oliver Stone's Biopic Alexander because Alexander the Great was gay. People stayed away from the film because it was miscast, misdirected, mislead and otherwise just sucked. I know because I saw it.

As far as which character on The Simpsons is going to be outed, I am 99% positive that it is not Waylan Smithers. First, it would be a news event equivalent to Nathan Lane coming out. Second, for years he has been open about his love for Mr. Burns and he has never really hidden his sexuality (if you want I can provide a list of gay Smithers moments). I mean for Christ sakes he wrote a fucking musical about Malibu Stacey, The Simpsons' version of Barbie. I think this is one of the things I have always liked about Smithers. He has always been openly gay without ever really having to say... I'm gay. In fact, I really hope that it is not Smithers. My money is on Selma or Patty, though I have heard some rumors about Flanders, which would just rock my world. I mean have you seen Flanders topless? (see the episode where he plays the lead in Streetcar) Then again there is always Milhouse..... hmmm wonder what the odds are on him?

Sorry, I just had to get those two things off of my chest.

Shaych

Today's Warm and Fuzzy Thought

Thank you Rush, you saved my morning.

I set out this morning hoping to find some fun conservative commentary on the heated exchange between, Sen. Barbara Boxer (D-Ca.) and, Secretary of State Nominee Condoleezza Rice to post as today's thought. I hit some of my usual sites, Coulter, O'Reilly, FoxNews but it was my old favorite Rush Limbaugh that came through in the end. In fact, because it is a transcript of his show, it even includes Sen. Boxer's remarks as well as Rice's responses. Thanks El Rushbo.

The transcript, called "Boxer: Designated Kook Democrat," turned out to be exactly what I had hoped to find. I could go on for pages on how Boxer has been rocking my world lately and how much Rush makes my colon hurt, but I won't. All I really want to say is this, since when is it considered Kooky to ask someone to acknowledge that they had made mistakes or even that situations had changed. What Boxer really wanted to get out was that the entire purpose for the war had changed over time, and the administration and even Rice herself has contradicted herself a number of times. When Bush ran for office the first time, he talked at great lengths about personal accountability and not blaming others for your mistakes. What we perhaps didn't realize was that the other side of this was to completely ignore the problem and just pretend like it didn't happen. They aren't even denying some of this, they are just plain pretending that it never happened.

Denile is not just a river in Egypt, apparently it is also a National Policy.

Oh, and I have this saved on my computer so in case it should be taken down from his site in the future, just email me and I'll send you a copy.

Today's warm and fuzzy thought.

Ok, after about a week of being off the net, I have to come back with a big story.

Apparently, some Pentagon documents have been declassified and it has come to light that the US Government had requested that research be done on the development of a GAY BOMB. Essentially, this would be a bomb that would turn the enemy "gay" and allow for our troops to defeat them.

I don't even know where to begin with this. All I can say is the sooner this is turned into a porno, the better. Seriously, what the hell am I paying for with my tax dollars? You just can't make stuff like this up.

I mean really.

Today's warm and fuzzy thought.

"What the activists really want is the stamp of acceptance on homosexuality, as a means of spreading that lifestyle, which has become a death style in the era of AIDS."
Syndicated columnist Thomas Sowell

What the hell century are we living in again?

Ohio... The Black Box State

Check your local media, check CNN.com and Fox News.com, and you will find very little mention of the actions that were taken by our Congress today. There has never been a clearer example of the inadequacies of our mass meida than this one issue. For those who haven't heard examples of what happened in Ohio please click here for the summary of the 120 page report by the House Judiciary Commitee and educate yourself on exactly why Sen. Boxer (D-CA) and Rep. Jones (D-OH) did what they did today.

This is the beginning of my first fight to try and regain my faith in my country. We must trust that our voted is counted and that our elections are fair. This seems so simple to me, I don't understand why there is any debate or argument on this issue. We should not vote into black boxes that are built by corporations whose executives have a clear agenda (story). We must not priviatize the most basic aspect of our system of government. We must not allow those who call people who try and fight for voters rights "conspirators" and "sore loosers" to continue to hold power. We must not continue to drink the Kool-Aid offered by the press in an attempt to keep us in the dark. Most of all, we must not stand idely by while others lie outright feeding on fear and ignorance. We must stand tall, proud and loud.

Vive la revolution!

Today's warm and fuzzy thought.

I have one thing to say to Sen. Barbara Boxer, "You go girl!"

I will be writing about this in a little more detail but let me sum up:

1. This is not about overturning the election or, a publicity stunt. This is about making sure that the serious election inconsistencies that have recently come to light are fixed.
2. This is not about this election but the future of Democracy in our Nation.
3. I don't want to drink the "conspiracy theory" Kool-Aid but, I have to seriously question anyone who does not want to fight for fair and honest elections. There are a number of small and quick solutions that can be enacted easily to try and make our elections true.

Support Barbara Boxer, support the Democratic House Members who are standing up for Democracy.

Today's warm and fuzzy thought.

I have been waiting for it. Usually by now some Evangelical Christian utilizes a natural disaster to throw mud at the GLBT community. I was kind of surprised though to see that the first one out of the gate, was Muslim. I guess this is just another example of how similar religious extremists are no matter what the faith.

Today's warm and fuzzy thought.

Yes Virginia, there is a constitution; not that you really care. Oh and by the way, perhaps it is time to reconsider your whole "Virginia is for Lovers" campaign, eh?

Computer Horror

It really frustrates me when people speak with authority on a subject that they really know nothing about. Instead of just admitting they have no idea why I am having the computer trouble that I am having, they just feed me some line of bullshit and send me on my way.

Recently Valium and I purchased a new fancy printer to replace our sad old HP that recently died. Long story short, both of our computers can't print to the printer that is currently hooked up to our Airport Extreme. So, we trekked down to our local Mac Genius bar and asked the "genius" what the problem was. We were given an answer that on the surface seems to make sense. Then, much like a doctors diagnosis, I wanted to get a second opinion. So, we went to CompUSA and talked to two people there who had two totally different solutions that both conflicted with what the Mac Genius suggested.

So, at the end of the day, we still have a printer problem and no idea how to fix it. I really began to become angry that I can't seem to get the same answer out of two people, a phenomenon that has been happening a lot lately. It seems that lately every customer service person I talk to gives me a different answer to the same question. I just wish there was somewhere I could go and actually get the right answer, not smoke blown up my ass.

Today's warm and fuzzy thought.

Will someone please think about the children? Another example of good Christian values and how they apply to families.

Today's warm and fuzzy thought.

Deep Impact

Huh, huh, we're getting paid $330 million to blow shit up... that's cool.