What does my future hold?

On our trip to my grandmother's house I realized two things:

1) I want a house. Preferably one large enough so that we can have work and living space in one structure and with a yard big enough for our puppy to be able to roam and exercise.

2) This home may in fact be here in Colorado. After years of fighting to leave the state of my birth, I realize that the unhappiness I feel here, I would most likely feel elsewhere as well. Home is where the heart is and my heart is here in Denver. I still would love to live in Europe or some other amazing city but the most important thing for me to learn is that I should be happy where I am. Geographic location will not bring happiness only I can.

This realization has begun to have an affect on other areas of my life. As I near the completion of my undergraduate studies, I am faced with the decision of where to go from here. I have spent so many months and years fighting what is inside of me in order to mold my future into something that I thought it should be, not what I wanted it to be. There may not seem to be a difference between these two things but there is. I had always had this image in my mind and fantasy that I thought I should be molding my life to. This focus has caused me to miss out on and deny myself some great opportunities. I think that it is time that I just allow the natural flow of things and if I end up in the world of my dreams, so much the better. However, if the path takes me to something that I could never have dreamed of, then that is where I am supposed to be.

All to often I have tried way to hard and focused way to much on the future that the present has escaped me. Only when I have taken it day-by-day have I been able to achieve anything. The most amazing thing is that I realize that I have accomplished what I set out to do even when I thought I was doing something else.

I apologize if this post is a large random rant of ideas, but I needed it to get out. What it all boils down to is this: I want to spend the rest of my life writing about, teaching and making films. I think I have always wanted to do it but for some reason I am only now realizing that I can do it. That it is possible for me to actually be what I want to be and as long as I don't get tangled up in my own drama and obsession of the future, I can make it happen.

Gads, my therapist would be so proud... are you out there Paul?